we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize