Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize