what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
