It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
