grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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