allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there was a trapeze. enough said
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
