sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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