There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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