If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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