how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
