my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
