just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
