I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
