yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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