I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
