My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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