overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
