i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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