I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
either way he was missing a nipple.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
