Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
