If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
