We won't sleep together?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
