Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
