You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
