It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
