Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize