Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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