You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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