My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
