So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
