I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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