don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
