i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
