i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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