I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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