Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
