Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
