idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
