I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't deserve a penis
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
