Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
