do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
