What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
