she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
