4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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