Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
