Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she told me i tasted like america
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
