I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
