On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
