:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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