i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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