Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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