This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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