I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
