I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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