a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
