Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
