dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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