ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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