I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
