"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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