She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
