I CAN MOONWALK!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
