I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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