I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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