So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize