Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize