I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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